Tag: communication

Website Updates = Communication Hygiene

By Walter Boomsma
207 343-1842
Communications Director

“Bad noise crowds out good signal.”

Seth Godin

I left the Seth Godin Quote from last month because, to a large extent, we’ll be continuing the theme of “Communications Hygiene” with some recent accomplishments and ongoing efforts.

I’ve finally completed the review of Subordinate/Pomona Websites, Facebook Pages, and Groups. This annual review aims to ensure we are putting our best face forward and abiding by Grange Policy. It is not one of the most fun things I do, but it is one of the more important.

Overall, the results were positive, but there were a few issues. One website simply wasn’t working. One Facebook Group contained almost entirely spam posts promoting at least questionable work-at-home schemes. I have attempted to contact those Granges with an “FYI” email. In a few cases, I deemed removing the link from the MSG website necessary.

As a reminder, whenever an online presence is created, at least two people should be capable of accessing it and committed to maintaining it. This is especially true of social media pages and groups.

Also, as a reminder, if your Grange does have a social media presence, you should still submit your news and information to the MSG website. Once it’s posted there (usually within 24 hours of receipt), sharing it on social media is easy. The buttons at the bottom of every post make it just a matter of a few mouse clicks or screen taps.

You are undoubtedly aware of the increased applications of AI (artificial intelligence). Part of keeping our best face forward has always been grammar-checking, spell-checking, and minor line editing. We’ve been relying on AI for help with this for some time and will continue to do so. You may find it reassuring that I sometimes win arguments with the AI.

I bet I could make your eyes glaze over if I went into detail about our subscription issue. I will continue to maintain the list and send occasional lists of posted items, but it may be a while before we can automate it again. Stay tuned!

In anticipation of needing to make significant changes to get the subscription feature back online, I continue to purge old information from the site. We’re down below 1,000 posts–at one time, there were over 4,000! As a general rule (there will be some exceptions), information will be limited to the last two years. The data shows that older information is rarely viewed, and a streamlined site will be more efficient and much easier to manage. If you have any questions or concerns, please let me know.

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► FACT: During the first weeks of March, our “scholarship information” page has moved to the third position as “most viewed.” It’s that time of year!

Considering Communications Hygiene

By Walter Boomsma
207 343-1842
Communications Director

“Bad noise crowds out good signal.”

Seth Godin

The concept of “communications hygiene” deserves some attention. Seth Godin is certainly not the first person to introduce it, but as usual, he gets our attention in his opening statement, “Attention is scarce.”(You can read the complete blog post here.)

Just how scarce is attention? I could offer the number of unanswered emails in my sent box. I know a few people who appear to no longer be checking their email. When technology made it easy (and basically free) to send an email, it didn’t take long for a lot of people to take advantage. One result of that is the amount of “bad noise” we get. I intentionally do not count, but I would estimate that I receive 200-300 email messages daily. Most of them are “noise” of little value.

I also don’t count how many times the telephones ring daily. Voice mail handles most of it–or at least the lack of messages filters out the “noise.”

Shall we talk about text messages? They are on the rise–several organizations I’m familiar with are now texting instead of emailing. For most people, texting creates a sense of urgency. Urgency is, however, different than importance.

Hygiene is about maintaining health and often involves cleanliness. Let’s take a look at the health of our communication systems and attempts. We may need to “clean things up.” As communicators (we all are), it’s important to remember that “attention is scarce” and may be getting scarcer.

First, what can we do to get attention? It’s become necessary to think twice about how we communicate. I can tell you with assurance that leaving a message for me on social media (Facebook) is the worst way to get my attention. But I know people who apparently live on social media, and it’s the best or at least fastest way to get their attention! So, it might make sense to consider what platform or media best suits the message you are sending. When initiating communication, it is important to think about the receiver’s preferences.

Second, can we at least not contribute to the “noise?” I have a friend who loves to forward emails. Admittedly, they’re usually relevant to my interests, but I’ve also often already received them from the original sender or someone else. I find myself instinctively clicking “delete” when I see his name in the “from” field. Remember, given the volume of emails I’m receiving, you only have a second or two to get my attention.

Third, we can use technology to our benefit–this could be an entire topic by itself. Most email programs have filters we can use, and we’re starting to see the same with phone calls and text messages. It’s important to realize that we each are dealing with huge volumes of communication and make sure we are prioritizing our attention in return. I have another friend who usually takes a few days to reply to my email. He keeps them as “unread” until he has time to think about his reply. If I have a question that needs a more immediate response, I make that clear in my email–or text him accordingly. This goes back to thinking about the receiver’s preferences.

It wasn’t so long ago that we didn’t have the options and choices that we do today. Instead of debating “good or bad,” that energy should go to choosing how we communicate thoughtfully and wisely.

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► FACT: During the first week of February 2024, nearly 90% of website visitors were first-time visitors!

Looking forward… communicating forward

By Walter Boomsma
207 343-1842
Communications Director

So here we are, several weeks into a new year. I’m always a bit overwhelmed by the changes required when that happens. But it’s also an opportunity to look forward and think about what the new year might bring. In terms of the Maine State Grange Website, this will be an informal “State of the Site” Report.

Have you noticed? All posts and pages now have an “estimated reading time” at the top. It’s a bit of an experiment with the goal of making the site more useful. The idea is to give users some idea of how long it might take to review the post or page. It’s based on “average” reading speeds, and your mileage may vary, but we’d love to know what you think of this feature.

What you aren’t seeing is some continuing “under the hood” changes. The emphasis of these changes is to increase security and improve the speed of the site. Hopefully, you’ll notice! For one thing, we are having very little “downtime” of the site–it remains available, active, and dependable.

We recently completed an audit of Pomona and Subordinate Grange Links. For those Granges who maintain their own websites or Facebook Pages, this is designed to drive traffic to you! However, we do not want to send people to a closed business–or one that has the appearance of being closed. If nothing has been posted or updated in the past year, the link is removed. As a result of the audit, we are losing at least two Facebook Pages. I do try to contact someone from the Grange involved before removing the links. If you have any questions or concerns about this, please let me know.

By the way, we recently added links to Trenton Grange’s Website and Facebook Page. Both are excellent examples of local promotion of an active, relevant Grange! Check them out!

In a similar vein, we’ve been updating the online directory of Granges with the latest Roster Information. This is an important aspect of the site–it’s how people with an interest in the Grange find someone to contact. Currently, one contact is listed with a phone number and email address (if we have them). Under consideration for this year is the possibility of adding a second contact for each Grange. It’s more to maintain, but it doubles the chance that people can reach a Grange when they are interested!

There’s lots more going on and under consideration. Thanks to those who consistently support the site by submitting events and news. As we continue to search for ways to make the site more attractive and useful, your ideas and feedback are critical! We have limited resources but literally thousands of potential reporters and contributors. Please submit information about what’s going on in your Grange! Consider writing a short article or post about something of interest to Grangers. (We’ll be saying more about this in the future.) Tell us why you love the Grange.

What have you got for us?

► FACT: It won’t be a surprise that in 2023, October was the site’s busiest month. It might be a surprise that August was second with over 2,000 views!

How are we going to talk about this?

By Walter Boomsma
207 343-1842
Communications Director

“I left my leash in the car,” explained a recent guest at a gathering. I sensed a kindred spirit. The leash he was referring to was, of course, his smartphone. (I think someone had asked for the latest weather report, and he explained that he couldn’t provide that information.)

His announcement did, however, serve as a spark igniting an interesting conversation regarding addiction. Since we’d met for the first time, we’d found a common ground—we are both working in addiction counseling at the university level. We ended up having an energetic and engaging chat about the spiritual aspects of addiction.

Later the same evening, I had a slightly different conversation with a fourteen-year-old working on a school paper regarding the Electoral College. I delved into her thinking, genuinely and gently curious. The first time, she said, “I don’t have my facts with me…” I teased, “Why worry about the facts?” She laughed and expressed some of her thoughts. If she had her smartphone with her, I didn’t notice. At least she didn’t immediately reach for it to access her facts.

This article is not the beginning of an anti-smartphone crusade. It’s a column on communication.

The commonality between those two conversations was they both were an exploration of thinking, not a discussion of facts. In the first, neither of us cared much about the current weather forecast, but we were interested in what we allow to control us as we journey through life. In the second, we were willing to explore a political topic from both the head and the heart, and the conversation drifted from whether or not the Electoral College was a good thing to the importance of considering both sides of a question. I suspected I knew why she thought the Electoral College should be eliminated, but I still wanted to hear her reasons and understand her thinking. Unlike a text or social media post, actual conversation creates opportunities for engagement. Engagement is fundamentally different from arguing. (Social media gurus know that a post creating controversy tends to get the most clicks because we are reacting instead of probing. The context (how) of dialog becomes very different.)

Join me in a time travel machine. Imagine sitting in a Grange Hall 100 years ago, enjoying a potluck supper. What’s the conversation like? I doubt we’ll hear anyone say, “Oh, darn, I left my phone in the buggy.” We may not hear anyone complaining about all the political advertising. But someone might mention that there are more and more cars on the roads these days. (In 1925, there were 115,229 cars and 23,794 trucks on the roads in Maine.[1] One interesting bit of trivia is that painting lines on roads first caught on in 1926, inspired by someone watching a leaky milk truck make its way down a road. I digress, only to note that might have been a conversation at a Grange supper. Later, under “new business” during the meeting, someone may have suggested a resolution petitioning the government to consider developing a protocol to standardize line painting…

Communication is about content (what we talk about) and context (how we talk about it). I’m only kidding a little when I speculate that we might consider giving the Gatekeeper an added responsibility to monitor the content and context of communication at Grange events. I have attended Grange suppers and meetings where the content has been almost exclusively complaining—sometimes loudly and specifically. Sadly, sometimes there are guests (non-members) present.

“Traffic is horrible—there are too many cars and trucks on the road, and it’s getting out of control.”

“Yeah, my horse got spooked when a big truck passed us on a hill going too fast.”

“I’d never own one of those car things. They’re too expensive and too noisy.”

“I passed one stuck in a mudhole. Thought about pulling him out but decided he deserved it.”

 Did the invitation to the meeting say, “Here’s your chance to complain about cars and traffic! The person who has the biggest and best complaint wins a framed certificate of accomplishment!”

Or maybe one person shifts the context from complaining to positive action. “I was following a milk truck leaking the other day and noticed it left a white line on the road. That got me to thinking maybe we could…”

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[1]  For an interesting history of Maine Roads, read A History of Maine Roads 1600-1970. https://digitalmaine.com/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1006&context=mdot_docs

► FACT: By the time the calendar year 2023 ends, the Maine State Grange Website will have had over 8,000 visits.

Now It’s Your Turn! It’s Directory Day!

By Walter Boomsma
207 343-1842
Communications Director

We’ve made lots of changes to some of your online resources. Now it’s your turn to help!

The online ODD (Officers, Deputies and Directors) Directory has been updated! These online directories can make life simple because they are sortable and searchable. I’ve asked ODDs to verify the accuracy of their contact information and have created a one-page printable directory. A copy is available online for download and printing and a printed copy will be sent to Grange Secretaries with the November Bulletin.

The Online Directory of Granges contains a sortable and searchable list of community Granges in Maine with an address and person to contact for more information. It is one of our most frequently visited pages! This proves that people are looking for Granges near them for many different reasons. Again, the accuracy of this resource is extremely important. I’m asking local members to check your listing and ensure it is accurate. The most recent update did not include email addresses–these are important in today’s society. If you find errors or can add an email address, please send the information to webmaster@mainestategrange.org.

The Program Books and Information Page has been updated and reviewed. It’s tempting to say, “If it’s not there, I don’t have it!” Actually, that would be true! Annual Reports, Program Books, etc., have been posted–if there’s something missing or you would like to see available, let me know!

It’s worth the most when it’s the most difficult to find.

Seth Godin

I just completed a round of dictionary day presentations at schools in our area. On the upside, it’s great to see the kids become engaged and excited about the words and facts that are in the dictionary. On the downside, some become very frustrated when they can’t find an assigned word. Most need to learn and practice dictionary skills such as the use of the guide words. Occasionally, a student will ask if every word is in the dictionary. I like to think we trigger some curiosity and hunger. I tell the kids that they are not only getting a dictionary, they are getting “all the words that are in it.”

But what makes the program truly powerful is that it’s one dictionary to one kid. Like the farmers’ tools we demonstrate, it’s a resource and a tool.

So maybe I will declare a “directory day.” Our directories are resources and tools. Farmers take good care of their tools. The last word we look up together during dictionary day is “steward” — one who watches over things. I often tell the kids the true story of a high school senior meeting me on the street. She recognized me and wanted to tell me she still has and uses her dictionary. Valley Grange has been distributing dictionaries for twenty years. Maybe we should have a contest to find the oldest one still in use!

Being a good steward of the website means helping to keep it accurate and timely. Please report missing, incomplete, or inaccurate information. Submit your events and news for posting. Tell us why you love the Grange! Tools that are used frequently are usually the best maintained. They don’t get a chance to rust out!

We promote the fact that we are a fraternal organization and are actively seeking members and supporters. Can we get as excited about the tools we have as the kids do about their dictionaries? We have program books and information! We have directories and a place to list Grange Events around the state. Not only do you have the website, you have everything that’s on it!

► FACT: During the month of October 2023, the MSG website was visited over 2,100 times by nearly 850 people.

Annual Reports and Parties

By Walter Boomsma
207 343-1842
Communications Director

As most know, the “Grange Year” ends on September 30^th. One of the communication tasks I have is to post annual reports and program books on the website. Annual reports should highlight the activities and accomplishments of the person or department. Program books should be a resource for all Granges and Grangers. For this month’s column, I’d like to share a few paragraphs from my annual report as communications director.

The website is now in its thirteenth full year of operation in its current form. The objectives for the redesign in November 2010 were simple. Some of the more important included:

• To encourage prompt posting and maintenance of information and resources,
• To control that posting process with some level of moderation and quality control,
• To allow users to find basic information and resources (such as applications, manuals, etc.) readily and
• To allow users to subscribe to the site and receive email versions of posts.

We continue to achieve those objectives. Site views have decreased by 3.0% over the previous year. There have been 20,840 site views from September 1, 2022, through August 31, 2023—an average of nearly 1,700 monthly. However, these visits do not include subscribers who are receiving the posts without necessarily visiting the site.

Considering the decline in Granges and Grange membership, the site is doing well. Some of that success can be attributed to the site design and content. The site is resource-rich and appeals to both members and non-members. The top pages visited are the information pages, such as the directory of Granges, program books, etc. This year, however, several posts about Community Grange Events and programs received a lot of attention. This tells us how to maintain interest in the site.

I would go one step further and suggest that this also tells us how to maintain interest in the Grange. In a word, it’s “communication.”

The Communications Handbook is designed to help local Granges do just that. You can download a copy from the Maine State Grange Website or request one be mailed. Grangers help each other. Please let me know if there’s some way I can help you and your Grange achieve more in 2023-24.

For your part, please use the website! One of the largest pages is the “Program Books and Information” page. You’ll find annual reports, program books, and assorted resources listed by department or committee. But an even more important part you play in the website’s success is communicating your news and events. Are you having a craft fair during the holidays? If you send the information, you get a free “ad” and a listing on the Events Page. Will everyone who sees it attend? Of course not. But I can assure you that people who do not know about it won’t come!

Don’t be guilty of having a party and forgetting to invite anyone! And remember, this is not just about events. When you share news about your Grange, you give people a reason to be interested. You could even write an annual report of your activities and accomplishments and include some of the things you’ve got planned for next year!

► FACT: During the first week in August, there were 513 emails delivered to website subscribers. (The most subscribers get is one email per day.) A big advantage for subscribers is that they don’t have to remember to check the website and can choose which posts they are going to read entirely.

Updates Continued

By Walter Boomsma
207 343-1842
Communications Director

Can you tolerate a little more information about the mechanics of communication and the website? For those who are suspicious or even hateful of technology, you’ll love this!

Some will recall about a year ago, the Maine State Grange was “hacked” by someone in Turkey (we think). A lot was involved in fixing the hack, including the need to rebuild much of the site after correcting the damage that was done.

A year later, Phil Vonada, National Grange Communications Director, by sheer luck, stumbled on to a post attributed to the Maine State Grange Website. It clearly was not something we’d posted.

After some investigation, it appears to have been made during that hack a year ago. These hackers are both smart and sneaky. They obviously back-dated the post to 2016 in the hopes it would escape notice. It did! It’s now been removed.

Several things can be learned from this. First, one can’t be too careful. A healthy degree of suspicion and mistrust is necessary when using the Internet in general and social media in particular!

Second, back when the breach happened, a lot of history was both lost and deleted. Understand that as part of ongoing maintenance, I continue to delete history as my time permits. This accomplishes a number of things–most importantly, it keeps the site current and makes it much more manageable.

To create perspective, as of this writing, there are over 1,000 posts on the site, some dating back to 2016. While they can be interesting, they really do have little value. My ultimate goal is to keep posts and pictures limited to the past three years. This seems to be more than sufficient. This will be a reduction of approximately 25%. That also represents a huge reduction in server space and the potential for erroneous, outdated information.

Certainly, if you have any questions about this, I’ll be happy to try and answer them, either in a future column, comment, or email.

This is certainly not meant to discourage anyone from submitting events, news, etc. If anything, it means there’s room for more! As Dean Martin used to say, “Keep those cards and letters coming in!”

► FACT: During the first week in August, there were 513 emails delivered to website subscribers. (The most subscribers get is one email per day.) A big advantage for subscribers is that they don’t have to remember to check the website and can choose which posts they are going to read entirely.

An Annual Potpourri and Update

By Walter Boomsma
207 343-1842
Communications Director

As we approach the end of another Grange year, making this month’s column a bit of potpourri that includes a few updates and thoughts about our ongoing communication efforts seems appropriate.

As a director, it’s that time of year when, as a director, I have the opportunity to write an annual report. I get to think about the past year’s accomplishments and look ahead to the following year. While it’s work, it’s good work well worth doing. I challenge each Grange to consider a similar effort. Written reports force discipline and accountability. Can you at least list the programs and projects your Grange has completed? (The Grange Year is fiscal and runs from October 1, 2022, until September 30, 2023.) If you create a year-end summary or report, send it to me so I can post it on the website!

Additionally, each committee, director, and certain elected officers publish a Program Book for the upcoming year. These books serve as a resource for members and their local Granges. I’ll be making some significant changes to the MSG Website Handbook to reflect the major changes that have been made to the site.

Of course, both activities are completed in anticipation of this year’s State Convention held on October 20-21, 2023. This will be the 150th time delegates from Granges around Maine have met to look back and ahead. This year I’ve created a graphic celebrating that anniversary using the theme “A Road to the Future.” You’ll also find the traditional page on the site offering many details regarding the convention, such as the preliminary schedule, local hotel information, FAQs, and a material packet.

Keeping the website valuable and relevant requires your help! We typically receive over 20,000 views yearly, which doesn’t count posts sent to subscribers. (Subscribers receive posts by email once daily.)  I’ll share more about this in my annual report. Please consider using the site to promote your Grange’s programs and activities. Both Grangers and non-Grangers visit the site. Many of those who aren’t members are seeking information. One of the most visited pages is the director of Granges. Please make sure it includes your most current contact information!

In addition to information about Granges, the site also carries information of interest to members. For example, I recently posted information about the Maine Referendum Questions on the ballot this fall. At least one Grange will be sponsoring an informational meeting for their community. I also received a “tip” that a local news outlet published an article, “Saving the Halls and Granges that House so Much of our Heritage.” A link to the article has been posted on the site. And, by the way, the article notes that it relied on the Maine State Grange Website for historical and background information! If you see an article that interests other Grangers, please send me at least a link.

Speaking of links, I receive daily reports of links on the site that have stopped working. This happens for many reasons, and nearly all of it is beyond my control. Thankfully, most are links in older posts to items that have either been moved or deleted. Please understand that it would be extremely time-consuming to investigate all of these. Let me know if something is missing that is important, and I’ll try to research it. (You can also do so. If you find it, please let me know!)

In case you haven’t noticed, there’s a theme here. Communication is about more than just getting information! It’s about giving information too! I received an email recently asking why a particular Grange’s Facebook Page wasn’t listed on the website. The answer was easy: I didn’t know they had one! I occasionally get questions about events at local Granges and know nothing about them! Using the online directory, I refer the inquirer to someone from that Grange, but wouldn’t it be great if the information was readily available on the site? We can’t share what we don’t have or tell what we don’t know!

► FACT: During the first week in August, there were 513 emails delivered to website subscribers. (The most subscribers get is one email per day.) A big advantage for subscribers is that they don’t have to remember to check the website and can choose which posts they are going to read entirely.

For the Good of the Order

By Walter Boomsma
207 343-1842
Communications Director

Here’s a strange irony! I wrote my July Column over a week ago, stuck it into the draft of the Bulletin, but never posted it on the website! My excuse is that I’m also posting a slightly different version on my blog. Oops! A few days late, but here it is!

We recently returned from vacation—most of it spent in “Amish Country” in Pennsylvania. I do have some stories to tell, but they’ll be posted on my website. I will share that, as I do every year, I picked up a copy of the Budget Newspaper. The Budget is a weekly newspaper published in Ohio for and by members of various plain Anabaptist Christian communities, including the Amish, Amish Mennonite, Beachy Amish, and plain Mennonite and Brethren communities.

There is no online version, and they do not maintain a website. That will not be surprising if you know much about the “plain people.” What may surprise you is that it has been around since 1890 and, in spite of the failure rate of most print newspapers, shows no signs of weakening or losing “market share.”

Since this is not going to qualify as a heavily researched article, suffice it to say that the Amish are organized into an estimated 600 districts around the country and Canada. I’m mentioning that because the newspaper is structured based on those districts. A simple description is that “scribes” (reporters) from each district submit news about their district each week for publication. It appears that most articles are submitted by snail mail or fax machine. (Most Amish are not big fans of technology.)

For one interested in communication and newsletter publishing, it’s a fascinating publication on a number of points. To oversimplify it’s fascinating that it works and how it works. I’ve speculated that it works in a large part because of the absence of technology. But more importantly, the publishers understand and meet the needs of their market. A typical report from a district will include important details like which family hosted church most recently, who is getting married, who is recovering from illness or an accident,
who is visiting relatives, and who is being visited by relatives. There’s often a mention of the weather and how the crops are doing.

Amish belief and culture place a great deal of importance on the community. The editors of the Budget know the information critical to maintaining a strong community, and they provide it. I recall one article reporting a recent farm accident and listing the schedule for the neighbors who are helping.

Those who remember The Maine Granger (a monthly printed newsletter) may sense a resemblance. When it was published, each Grange was expected to have a reporter to record and submit news about their individual Grange and its members. Since technology was still not widely adapted many submissions were typed and snail mailed.

There might be a question of comparison of the two publications. But the bigger question is what communication do we need to keep our community Granges thriving? Some of the Amish Districts I am familiar with are spread out geographically. Travel is often by horse and buggy. If there are telephones, their use is highly restricted. Yet somehow, those scribes know or find out and share information important to their community. It’s not instantaneous, and it’s not available online. But it seems to work.

We, Grangers, are much more comfortable with technology. (Yes, there are exceptions.) Similar to the Amish, we value communities—our local Grange is a community located in a larger and more diverse community. How are we doing with communicating the information that’s important to our communities?

I am not suggesting we should bring back The Maine Granger. But I am suggesting with the resources we have available, we might do well to ask ourselves how well we’re doing with communicating information that
keeps our Grange Communities informed and healthy. Are there any suggestions “for the good of the order?”

► FACT: So far this year, the MSG website was viewed over 8,000 times by over 3,400 people. The two most visited items were the Directory of Granges and the Program Books and Information Page.

How Important Am I?

By Walter Boomsma
207 343-1842
Communications Director

As most know, earlier this year, I accepted a position teaching at Beal University. It’s been a learning experience. Since most students I work with ultimately plan a future involving substance abuse counseling, communication becomes a topic or concern in many different ways. Communication between counselor and client tends to be an underlying theme in every course. We talk about “empathy” and “understanding” a lot. I often remind students to “listen for what is not being said.”

Thanks to a website dedicated to humor for those in education, I found a funny example. It is an alleged voicemail a doctor left for a patient.

“Because I am literally stuck in traffic at this very moment, I will not be able to perform your heart surgery this morning. Would it be possible to get an extension? Let me know.”

At first, it sounds far-fetched, but an element of humor is overstatement. For anyone who’s ever been a teacher, it’s right up there with “the dog ate my homework.” The modern version might be (and I get this one at least once almost every week), “The computer ate my homework.” My favorite one at the university level was, “I’m sorry this is late. I had to go grocery shopping.”

Let me share something I saw happen recently in the waiting room of a medical provider. A mom arrived with her son, who was probably seven or eight years old. She asked the receptionist, “Do I have to go in with him for the exam? I have a meeting I need to attend on my phone.” The boy had a sort of “disconnected” look and stared around the room. For some reason, he didn’t have a phone or electronic device. On that point, I was happy for him. But I did want to go over and smack his mother. She had just announced to him and anyone within earshot that he had just fallen to the bottom of her priority list.

And here’s the irony. It didn’t have to be that way. She could have used different words to accomplish the same end. She could have said something like, “My son and I have agreed he’s going to try to do this on his own today. I’ll be right here in the waiting room if I’m needed.” (I’m assuming that wouldn’t have been a lie.) Instead, she used words that communicated how busy she was and that her son was momentarily at least at the bottom of her priority list. She also announced to the receptionist that she was a very busy person trying to juggle a lot of different things. I wanted to observe loudly, “And not doing a very good job of it.” I also wanted to go over and hug the kid while saying to the mom, “It’s not about you.” If you listened to the conversation objectively, she was making her son’s appointment all about her.

I confess a bias where kids are concerned, but I have another bias. Being “busy” doesn’t earn us a badge and trophy or get us off the hook for our decisions. Communication still involves at least two parties. Don’t blame it on being busy if you don’t answer an email or return a phone call. You could say, “I’m not good at planning and decision-making,” or maybe even, “Getting back to you just wasn’t that important to me.”

Am I being harsh? I tell students I understand that “life happens,” and sometimes even the best plans are disrupted. But if you tell me your assignment is late because you had to go grocery shopping, I will not likely forgive the late penalty. Contrary to how we often act, we get to decide what’s important and act accordingly. The piece that’s easy to forget is the other party also gets to decide what that means and how they will respond.

Communication is about the words, how they are said, and the actions (or lack of actions) often accompany them. Choose them carefully, remembering the receiver (listener) decides your priorities based on all three.

► FACT: So far this year, the MSG website was viewed over 8,000 times by over 3,400 people. The two most visited items were the Directory of Granges and the Program Books and Information Page.